Blonde

A couple I hadn't heard yet:

A young man was performing a ventriloquist show in a small town in Arizona.With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the front row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?What does the color of a person's hair have to do with their intelligence and worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person- - you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general.
"The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize,and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

A Blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. He tells her, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day,and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."When the Blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds."Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"The Blonde nods and answers, "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asks the doctor.
"No", replied the Blonde, "From skipping".